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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Don't talk to me about naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Army Quotes
- I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Integrity Quotes
- He's got his dog trained so that it only does it on newspapers. The trouble is it does it when he's reading the blasted things.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- What is wrong with the prosaic Englishman is what is wrong with the prosaic men of all countries: stupidity.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes
- The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes