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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.
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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hockey Quotes
- For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.
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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes
- Really, if the lower orders don't set a good example, what on earth is the use of them?
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.
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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes
- Eating words has never given me indigestion.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes
- If there are no cigars in heaven, I shall not go.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes
- Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Tags : Alan Dundes Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- His wardrobe was extensive-very extensive-not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the fashion of any age or time, but everything was more or less spangled; and what can be prettier than spangles!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fashion Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fate Quotes
- In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes
- If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes