Oscar Wilde Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

What I tell you three times is true.

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

I hate women because they always know where things are.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The Secretary, working in the Dismal Swamp betimes next morning, was informed that a youth waited in the hall who gave the name of Sloppy. The footman who communicated this intelligence made a decent pause before uttering the name, to express that it was forced on his reluctance by the youth in question, and that if the youth had had the good sense and good taste to inherit some other name it would have spared the feelings of him the bearer.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smoking Quotes

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes

Many are stubborn in pursuit of the path they have chosen, few in pursuit of the goal.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes