Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Baby Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Dammit Sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't always be living for pleasure!

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.

4 years ago

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Tags : Francis Bacon Quotes , Funny Quotes , Laughter Quotes

It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.

5 years ago

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Tags : Aeschylus Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.

4 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Only the shallow know themselves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.

4 years ago

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wire Quotes

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Science Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

4 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

4 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes