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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot
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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes
- Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes
- Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
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Tags : A. E. Housman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Triumph Quotes
- Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
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Tags : Aeschylus Quotes , Funny Quotes , Wise Quotes
- He hasn't an enemy in the world, and none of his friend like him.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes