Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Death Quotes

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

5 years ago

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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

I don't want want to go to jail, I'm fragile.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Sandler Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jail Quotes

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Accidents will occur in the best regulated families.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes