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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes
- Everyone who has ever built anywhere a "new heaven" first found the power thereto in his own hell.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes
- It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes
- To buy books would be a good thing if we could also buy the time to read them; but the purchase of books is often mistaken for the assimilation and mastering of their contents.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- Those who love not their fellow-beings live unfruitful lives, and prepare for their old age a miserable grave.
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Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes
- A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes
- I don't quite recollect how many tumblers of whiskey toddy each man drank after supper; but this I know, that about one o'clock in the morning, the baillie's grown-up son became insensible while attempting the first verse of 'Willie brewed a peck o' maut'; and he having been, for half an hour before, the only other man visible above the mahogany, it occurred to my uncle that it was almost time to think about going.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Morning Quotes
- There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes