Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

... Take another glass of wine, and excuse my mentioning that society as a body does not expect one to be so strictly conscientious in emptying one's glass, as to turn it bottom upwards with the rim on one's nose.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Truth - An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , People Quotes

Religion is like a blind man looking in a black room for a black cat that isn't there, and finding it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Let a short Act of Parliament be passed, placing all street musicians outside the protection of the law, so that any citizen may assail them with stones, sticks, knives, pistols or bombs without incurring any penalties.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

Your next-door neighbor is not a man; he is an environment. He is the barking of a dog; he is the noise of a piano; he is a dispute about a party wall; he is drains that are worse than yours, or roses that are better than yours.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

If you cry ''Forward'' you must be sure to make clear the direction in which to go. Don't you see that if you fail to do that and simply call out the word to a monk and a revolutionary, they will go in precisely opposite directions?

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Failure Quotes

The only thing that can console one for being poor is extravagance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

More and more of our imports are coming from overseas

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes