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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- God gives us our relatives – thank God we can choose our friends.
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Tags : Addison Mizner Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- They misunderestimated me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- It's your money. You paid for it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- A poet can survive everything but a misprint.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Hatred is blind, as well as love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Eating words has never given me indigestion.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Health Quotes
- Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Trust Quotes
- Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
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Tags : A. A. Milne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes