Oscar Wilde Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The world is a stage, but the play is badly cast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

Accuracy to a newspaper is what virtue is to a lady; but a newspaper can always print a retraction.

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst sandwiches in the whole world, and that, when I ask for a watercress sandwich, I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sexy Quotes

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Had be been Shakespeare, he would then have written Troilus and Cressidato brand the offending sex; but being only a little dog, he began to bite them.

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Tags : Robert Louis Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes

There comes a moment in the day when you have written your pages in the morning, attended to your correspondence in the afternoon, and have nothing further to do. Then comes that hour when you are bored; that's the time for sex.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes