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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- For the journalist, anything probable is gospel truth.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Journalism Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people, but if we tried to shut up the insane we should run out of building materials.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes
- An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- It is always a silly thing to give advice, but to give good advice is absolutely fatal.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Few women care to be laughed at and men not at all, except for large sums of money.
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Tags : Alan Ayckbourn Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- A jury too often has at least one member more ready to hang the panel than to hang the traitor.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes
- I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes
- New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.
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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes
- The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes
- The earth has a skin and that skin has diseases; one of its diseases is called man.
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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
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Tags : Jack London Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes