Virginia Woolf Quotes, Funny Quotes, Friendship Quotes

I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.

5 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

"Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Intellectuals solve problems, geniuses prevent them.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To say that obesity is caused by merely consuming too many calories is like saying that the only cause of the American Revolution was the Boston Tea Party.

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Tags : Adelle Davis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Party Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Nothing has really happened until it has been recorded.

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what fiction means.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Change Quotes

It being a part of Mrs. Pipchin's system not to encourage a child's mind to develop and expand itself like a young flower, but to open it by force like an oyster.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

AUSTRALIA, n. A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

5 years ago

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone's feelings unintentionally.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes