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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.
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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes
- When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Tree Quotes
- In America the President reigns for four years, and Journalism governs forever and ever.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Most people's major life changes don't come from reading an article in the newspaper; they come from reading longer-form essays or thoughtful books, which are much more convincing and detailed.
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Tags : Aaron Swartz Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reality Quotes
- Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn't teach me everything he knows.
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Tags : Al Unser Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.
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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.
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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes
- ... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes