Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Only the shallow know themselves.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kissing Quotes

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.

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Tags : H. G. Wells Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cycling Quotes

The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

The nephew revenges himself for this, by holding his breath and terrifying his kinswoman with the dread belief that he has made up his mind to burst. Regardless of whispers and shakes, he swells and becomes discoloured, and yet again swells and becomes discoloured, until the aunt can bear it no longer, but leads him out, with no visible neck, and with his eyes going before him like a prawn's.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Revenge Quotes

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have defined the hundred per cent American as ninety-nine per cent an idiot.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

There is nothing so absurd that some philosopher has not already said it.

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with the pace I'm gonna set except me. There's not a man alive who can whup me. I'm too fast. I'm too smart. I'm too pretty. I should be a postage stamp. That's the only way I'll ever get licked.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Smart Quotes

Moderation is a fatal thing. Nothing succeeds like excess.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes