Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Love Quotes, Funny Quotes

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friends Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Knowledge is invariably a matter of degree: you cannot put your finger upon even the simplest datum and say this we know.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

... still his philanthropy was of that gunpowderous sort that the difference between it and animosity was hard to determine.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

He has been a doctor a year now and has had two patients - no, three, I think - yes, it was three; I attended their funerals.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes