A. Whitney Brown Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

6 years ago

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

Hatred is blind, as well as love.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Death Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and everything else follows in the same way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Government Quotes

You can't imagine what a pleasure this complete laziness is to me: not a thought in my brain- you might send a ball rolling through it!

5 years ago

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Tags : Leo Tolstoy Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sloth Quotes

Who is this Baby Ruth? And what does she do?

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baseball Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dream Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

College is a refuge from hasty judgment.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , College Quotes