George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Happiness Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

Mr. Bazzard's father, being a Norfolk farmer, would have furiously laid about him with a flail, a pitch-fork, and every agricultural implement available for assaulting purposes, on the slightest hint of his son's having written a play.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the doughnut; the pessimist the hole!

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Positive Quotes

Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

To kill a relative of whom you are tired is something. But to inherit his property afterwards, that is genuine pleasure.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Now, because he knows that his economic theories don't work, he's been spending these last few days calling me every name in the book. Lately he's called me a socialist for wanting to roll-back the Bush tax cuts for the wealthiest Americans so we can finally give tax relief to the middle class. I don't know what's next. By the end of the week he'll be accusing me of being a secret communist because I shared my toys in kindergarten. I shared my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I like Wagner's music better than anybody's. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without other people hearing what one says.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

When I was a kid I used to hate getting picked for team sports. It would be the fit and sporty guys over there. And me and the fat kids over here. Those kids were fat! One girl had to be cut out a hula hoop.

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes