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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- It's not because John McCain doesn't care. It's because John McCain doesn't get it.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- I cut my own hair. I got sick of barbers because they talk too much. And too much of their talk was about my hair coming out.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes
- You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.
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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes
- Every dream is a prophecy: every jest is an earnest in the womb of Time.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dream Quotes
- Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes
- They misunderestimated me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes
- [Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.
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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes
- Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes