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Funny Quotes 957
- Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The roulette table pays nobody except him that keeps it. Nevertheless a passion for gaming is common, though a passion for keeping roulette tables is unknown.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- Do not do unto others as you expect they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes
- ...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes
- Give women the vote, and in five years there will be a crushing tax on bachelors.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Crush Quotes
- In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Golf Quotes
- Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes
- Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes
- Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.
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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uncles Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of 30.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes