Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the fight between you and the world, back the world.

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Tags : Franz Kafka Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fighting Quotes

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Common sense is genius dressed in its working clothes.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A man and his dog is a sacred relationship. What nature hath put together let no woman put asunder.

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Tags : A. R. Gurney Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christian Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink - under any circumstances.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes

Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I walk up a dune to a beach and look out to sea, but it's 100km away. The ships lie askew in their dry beds, at anchor for ever. Today is my son's birthday. Thousands of miles from here, his healthy lungs are blowing out candles. I should be there but I'm here with another boy, who puts his face close to mine and laughs. I smile back but realise he can't see it, because I'm wearing an antiseptic muzzles to protect me from his breath.

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Tags : A. A. Gill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beach Quotes

If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes