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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- "Write that down," the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.
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Tags : Lewis Carroll Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Growing Up Quotes
- I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.
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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes
- Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes
- A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Golf is a good walk spoiled.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- It takes a thoroughly good woman to do a thoroughly stupid thing
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes
- Most modern calendars mar the sweet simplicity of our lives by reminding us that each day that passes is the anniversary of some perfectly uninteresting event.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- What do I think of Western civilization? I think it would be a very good idea.
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Tags : Mahatma Gandhi Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It's a funny old world.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes
- As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.
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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes
- A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes