Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

We spent as much money as we could and got as little for it as people could make up their minds to give us. We were always more or less miserable, and most of our acquaintance were in the same condition. There was a gay fiction among us that we were constantly enjoying ourselves, and a skeleton truth that we never did. To the best of my belief, our case was in the last aspect a rather common one.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

May God defend me from my friends: I can defend myself from my enemies.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

I would rather have a nod from an American, than a snuff- box from an emperor.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

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Tags : A. Whitney Brown Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

Some medical beast had revived tar-water in those days as a fine medicine, and Mrs. Joe always kept a supply of it in the cupboard; having a belief in its virtues correspondent to its nastiness. At the best of times, so much of this elixir was administered to me as a choice restorative, that I was conscious of going about, smelling like a new fence.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other.

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is obvious that all sense has gone out of modern marriage; which is, however, no objection to marriage but to modernity.

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Tags : Friedrich Nietzsche Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered.

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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

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We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next door neighbour.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes