Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Every man is surrounded by a neighborhood of voluntary spies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reality Quotes

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes

Dombey sat in the corner of the darkened room in the great arm-chair by the bedside, and Son lay tucked up warm in a little basket bedstead, carefully disposed on a low settee immediately in front of the fire and close to it, as if his constitution were analogous to that of a muffin, and it was essential to toast him brown while he was very new.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Every rascal is not a thief, but every thief is a rascal.

5 years ago

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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part.

6 years ago

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Tags : Aimee Mullins Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

Americans spend 6 billion hours a year filling out their tax reforms.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.

5 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I hospitalized a rock, killed a brick...I'm so bad I make medicine sick!

5 years ago

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

5 years ago

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Tags : Theodore Roosevelt Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

God created sex. Priests created marriage.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes