Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Witty Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Humor is also a way of saying something serious.

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

6 years ago

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and it holds the world together.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oprah Winfrey Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I have always been of the opinion that hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

The empty vessel makes the loudest sound.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Of course it's the same old story. Truth usually is the same old story.

5 years ago

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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , True Friend Quotes

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A true sonnet goes eight lines and then takes a turn for better or worse and goes six or eight lines more.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Since both its national products, snow and chocolate, melt, the cuckoo clock was invented solely in order to give tourists something solid to remember it by.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

"Next," said Mrs Wilfer with a wave of her gloves, expressive of abdication under protest from the culinary throne, "I would recommend examination of the bacon in the saucepan on the fire, and also of the potatoes by the application of a fork. Preparation of the greens will further become necessary if you persist in this unseemly demeanour."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mistake Quotes

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes