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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Fathers should be neither seen nor heard. That is the only proper basis for family life.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Family Quotes
- There is no such passion in human nature, as the passion for gravy among commercial gentlemen.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes
- Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.
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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- Hatred is blind, as well as love.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Forever Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes
- I don't think the discus will ever attract any interest until they let us start throwing them at one another.
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Tags : Al Oerter Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Cute Quotes
- It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Real Quotes