Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Law Quotes

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I'm hostile, & the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

I find no sweeter fat than sticks to my own bones.

5 years ago

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adlai E. Stevenson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friends Quotes

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

[Ulysses is] the work of a queasy undergraduate scratching his pimples.

5 years ago

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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Pimples Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The difference between screwing around and science is writing it down.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Savage Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

6 years ago

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Tags : Agnes Repplier Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes