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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Forever Quotes
- No, my friend, I am not drunk. I have just been to the dentist, and need not return for another six months! Is it not the most beautiful thought? --Poirot
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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes
- What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes
- You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Christmas Quotes
- I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes
- How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
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Tags : Virginia Woolf Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes
- I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Spiritual Quotes
- Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.
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Tags : Samuel Taylor Coleridge Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes
- An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiration Quotes
- Infancy conforms to nobody: all conform to it, so that one babe commonly makes four or five out of the adults who prattle and play to it.
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Tags : Ralph Waldo Emerson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes