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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- It is better to be beautiful than to be good. But... it is better to be good than to be ugly.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.
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Tags : F. Scott Fitzgerald Quotes , Funny Quotes , Art Quotes
- I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.
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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.
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Tags : Alan Minter Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.
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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Only one marriage I regret. I remember after I got that marriage license I went across from the license bureau to a bar for a drink. The bartender said, "What will you have, sir?" And I said, "A glass of hemlock."
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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- "Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word indeed. It's a legal fiction, my dear sir, nothing more."
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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.
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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.
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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes
- Nature makes only dumb animals. We owe the fools to society.
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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nature Quotes
- The secret to success is to offend the greatest number of people.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Work Quotes
- It is true, I worry about the hype. The only person more over-hyped than me is you.
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Tags : Barack Obama Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes