George W. Bush Quotes, Funny Quotes, Graduation Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Military Quotes

I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe - I believe what I believe is right.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

When a man does exactly what a woman expects him to do she doesn't think much of him. One should always do what a woman doesn't expect, just as one should say what she doesn't understand.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Our civilization has decided that determining the guilt or innocence of men is a thing too important to be trusted to trained men. When it wants a library catalogued, or the solar system discovered, or any trifle of that kind, it uses up its specialists. But when it wishes anything done which is really serious, it collects twelve of the ordinary men standing round. The same thing was done, if I remember right, by the Founder of Christianity.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When I sell liquor, it's bootlegging. When my patrons serve it on a silver tray on Lakeshore Drive, it's hospitality.

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Funny Quotes , Drinking Quotes

This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.

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Tags : Hector Hugh Munro Quotes , Funny Quotes , Children Quotes

The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happy Birthday Quotes

The basis of action is lack of imagination. It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes