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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes
- Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.
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Tags : Adam Smith Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Book Quotes
- whenever the literary german dives into a sentence, this is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- The British are apt to make merits of their stupidities, and to represent their various incapacities as points of good breeding.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupidity Quotes
- I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- I was never ruined but twice: once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one.
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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes
- Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- It is a sad truth, but we have lost the faculty of giving lovely names to things. Names are everything. I never quarrel with actions. My one quarrel is with words. The man who could call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is the only thing he is fit for.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Moving Quotes
- This may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about.. when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.
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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
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Tags : Abba Eban Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.
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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes
- What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes
- It's a funny old world.
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Tags : Margaret Thatcher Quotes , Funny Quotes , World Quotes