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Funny Quotes
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Funny Quotes 957
- For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbors and laugh at them in our turn?
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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes
- What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes
- On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes
- If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'
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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes
- It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes
- great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kindness Quotes
- Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.
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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes
- Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that men never learn anything from history.
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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.
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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
- Never put off till tomorrow what you can do day after tomorrow just as well.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes
- The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.
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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.
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Tags : F. Scott Fitzgerald Quotes , Funny Quotes , New Year Quotes
- One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her; and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beauty Quotes
- The dog is very smart. He feels sorry for me because I receive so much mail; that's why he tries to bite the mailman.
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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dog Quotes
- Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance.
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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes
- War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.
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- Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes
- Frailty, thy name is woman!
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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Memorable Quotes
- What am I supposed to do if I go bald? Get a wig? Fat, goofy, gay, wig. I might as well get a piano and start an Elton John tribute act!
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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Gay Quotes