Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Uplifting Quotes

I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.

5 years ago

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Tags : Victor Hugo Quotes , Funny Quotes , Horse Quotes

Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.

5 years ago

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Tags : Arthur Schopenhauer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Shearer Quotes , Funny Quotes , Soccer Quotes

Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear I may be wrong?

5 years ago

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Tags : Jane Austen Quotes , Funny Quotes , Inspiring Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When a woman marries again, it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Husband Quotes

On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mind Quotes

Many readers judge of the power of a book by the shock it gives their feelings - as some savage tribes determine the power of muskets by their recoil; that being considered best which fairly prostrates the purchaser.

5 years ago

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Tags : Henry Wadsworth Longfellow Quotes , Funny Quotes , Reading Quotes

All generalizations are false, including this one.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Genius is born-not paid

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Democracy is an awful way to run a country, but it's the best system we have.

5 years ago

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Country Quotes