George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Love Quotes, Funny Quotes

The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his son the hardships that made him rich.

5 years ago

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.

5 years ago

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Tags : Saint Augustine Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Leadership Quotes

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

6 years ago

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Tags : Abraham Lincoln Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I've taken my fun where I've found it, An' now I must pay for my fun, For the more you 'ave known o' the others The less will you settle to one.

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Tags : Rudyard Kipling Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

The movement of life has its rest in its own music.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Suppose the world were only one of God's jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one?

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

My mother married a very good man ... and she is not at all keen on my doing the same.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sympathy Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

If you could see my legs when I take my boots off, you'd form some idea of what unrequited affection is.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Law Quotes

How marriage ruins a man! It is as demoralizing as cigarettes, and far more expensive.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Marriage Quotes

What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes