Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith.

5 years ago

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Tags : Albert Einstein Quotes , Funny Quotes , Business Quotes

I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Truth Quotes

Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.

5 years ago

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

5 years ago

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Peace Quotes

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , God Quotes

A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Deceiving others. That is what the world calls a romance.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.

5 years ago

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Tags : Marcus Tullius Cicero Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Respect Quotes

We take greater pains to persuade others that we are happy than in endeavoring to think so ourselves

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you desire to drain to the dregs the fullest cup of scorn and hatred that a fellow human being can pour out for you, let a young mother hear you call dear baby 'it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Funny Quotes , Mom Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes