Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

I quite agree with Dr. Nordau's assertion that all men of genius are insane, but Dr. Nordau forgets that all sane people are idiots.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Men Quotes

A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I had to have a brace because I had big teeth. If I'd gone to Africa I would have got poached.

6 years ago

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Tags : Alan Carr Quotes , Funny Quotes , Teeth Quotes

One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

My best training came from my father.

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Tags : Woodrow Wilson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dad Quotes

I was always treated as if I had insisted on being born, in opposition to the dictates of reason, religion, and morality, and against the dissuadinig arguments of my best friends.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

5 years ago

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Tags : Maya Angelou Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Anniversary Quotes

Genius is born-not paid

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

I hate women because they always know where things are.

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Tags : Voltaire Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

At fifteen, my mind was bent on learning. At thirty, I stood firm. At forty, I had no doubts. At fifty, I knew the decrees of Heaven. At sixty, my ear was receptive to truth. At seventy, I could follow my heart's desires without sin.

5 years ago

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Tags : Confucius Quotes , Funny Quotes , Birthday Quotes

No man knows he is young while he is young.

5 years ago

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes