Anton Chekhov Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.

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Tags : Anton Chekhov Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Dumb as a drum vith a hole in it, sir.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

You don't ever ask a barber whether you need a haircut.

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Tags : Warren Buffett Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

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Tags : Al McGuire Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.

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Tags : Abbie Hoffman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Dope Quotes

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.

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Tags : Robert Frost Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

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Tags : Walt Whitman Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Women Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Poetry's unnat'ral; no man ever talked poetry 'cept a beadle on boxin' day, or Warren's blackin' or Rowland's oil, or some o' them low fellows; never you let yourself down to talk poetry, my boy.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes