Horace Quotes, Funny Quotes, Advice Quotes

A good scare is worth more than good advice.

5 years ago

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Advice Quotes

Whatever advice you give, be short.

5 years ago

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Tags : Horace Quotes , Funny Quotes , Giving Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

He was drunk upon the average once a day, and penitent upon an equally fair calculation once a month; and when he was penitent, he was invariably in the very last stage of maudlin intoxication. He was a ragged, roving, roaring kind of fellow, with a burly form, a sharp wit, and a ready head, and could turn his hand to anything when he chose to do it.

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

5 years ago

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Tags : Agatha Christie Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

So that's why one of my rules of parody writing is that it's gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

6 years ago

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Tags : Al Yankovic Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

Fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

5 years ago

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Happiness Quotes

Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Alfred Lord Tennyson Quotes , Funny Quotes , Age Quotes

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

If one plays good music, people don't listen and if one plays bad music people don't talk.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Philosophical Quotes

Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Friendship Quotes

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

5 years ago

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

All of us contain Music & Truth, but most of us can't get it out.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Music Quotes

To those of you who received honours, awards and distinctions, I say, well done. And to the C students, I say, you too can be president of the United States.

5 years ago

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Tags : George W. Bush Quotes , Funny Quotes , Graduation Quotes

There is no great genius without a mixture of madness.

5 years ago

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Tags : Aristotle Quotes , Funny Quotes , Depression Quotes

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.

5 years ago

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes